Holding on, Letting go
by Juneychan
Summary: The world is drowning him and he might as well let it, until he can finally be released. But perhaps heaven's only steps away, he just has to open his eyes..


**Something quick I did as a gift for a great friend. :)**

**Inspired by Ross Copperman's song Holding on and Letting go**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything**

* * *

So this was how it felt like.

For so long, he had been wondering.

All the sounds of sirens, gun shots, screaming, pleading faded.

Throbbing pain slowly turned into little aches, and then, nothing.

Not for once had he thought of it – letting go. Until now…

It wasn't like something being ripped from him like it should. Nor was the feeling of emptiness. No, just like that. No more mission, no more killing, no more loneliness, no more pain, no more any of this.

Nothing.

Gosh did he enjoy it.

He had wondered what it felt like, to be dead, to finally let go. He imagined it liked the ocean waves, washing him to the shore where he found everything he had ever lost waiting for him. He wouldn't even care to open his eyes. Simply lay there. And then he felt them, all of them, once more, this time for eternity.

But before that, "nothing", just "nothing" would do.

* * *

"Train! Train! Open your eyes you idiot!"

He could almost feel the warm sun and the song of dancing waves on the sand. Then he frowned when he felt something pulling him back, and winced in pain as reality struck him. He was lying flat on the ground. His wounds bleeding badly he could hardly move. As he struggled to make out everything surrounding him, he heard foot steps behind, many of them. He looked up to a huge bar fence in front of him, behind it she stood. Wearing her favorite summer yukata and looking as bright as ever under the shimmering moonlight, shouting every word insulting to his intelligence. He had to give a small laugh at that.

"Alright Saya, what the hell are you doing here?" He groaned when he tried to get up.

"It's that all you can say you ungrateful jerk?! I'm risking my life here! Hurry up and get out!" Saya shouted as she fired her gun. Skillfully using her reflex bullets to graze the enemies and slow them down only. But most of them refused to give up until they got the one who had killed their boss. Then suddenly Saya ran out of bullets from her long night catching criminals. So she picked up a few rocks on the road and aimed for their heads, knocking them unconscious.

"So stupid. I should have done that in the first place." She cocked her head and sighed.

Train looked to the men on the ground behind him. How weak and pathetic of him for even thinking of things as such. Letting go of not only on the mission but his own life as well. He narrowed his eyes at them. He didn't like finishing them like this, but it was never about whether he liked it or not. With Chronos failing and mercy were never was a mission and it had to be done. He held up his gun. The order had been clear: no survivor.

"Don't do it." She said gently, but firmly.

"Stay out of this, Saya."

Train was out of choices from the very start. He was never sure what he had been fighting for...or worse, it had never been about fighting for anything to begin with. He fired his gun every night, delivering "bad luck", bathing himself in blood for the so-called "greater good" as it drowning him away from everything he had left, as something. Something not merely a killing tool.

"Please, Train, let's just go. There's nothing they can do from now on, not without their leaders anyway. And the police will be hot on their tails tomorrow."

He turned his head. Amber orbs clashing with aquamarine. Saya looked straight back at him, not pleading nor demanding. There was something about that look he couldn't quite make out. He couldn't escape this. This life - his life, just like that bar fence keeping him from getting to her. Behind it where she stood, waiting for him was nothing but a crazy dream. Right there, He saw it but he couldn't seem to reach.

Hope.

She had always been like that, never knew when and on whom she should give up.

It was too late, it had been so long. He had already drowned, couldn't she see that?

"You don't have to do this."

* * *

He let go.

* * *

"Here, have mine too." Saya smiled, giving him her milk carton. After they got back and she bandaged him up, Train was nothing but a hungry cat.

"Thanks." He said gratefully but then she pulled back.

"On second thought you were such an idiot who doesn't deserve this wonderful drink. So I'm gonna finish it while you're watching." She pout and went for it.

Train simply smiled at her, which almost caused her to choke but luckily he didn't notice.

He had let so many things go he forgot they were ever there. Or some had never even left him.

Hope.

A different path.

Freedom?

He stopped there for now, realizing he was becoming more like her every day. She allowed him to rest his head on her lap as he allowed himself to melt under her warmth. She giggled at the sight of him. They both loved these rare moments when he was no longer the Black Cat, but more like just…a cat. And as Train held onto this, to her, he felt more than enough.

He never told her. Saya was like his bright, warm shore of sheer peacefulness. Always be there waiting for him to wash up, lay there and simply, let it all go.

And Train silently swore if there was one thing he'd never let go, it would be her.

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**Please review~! ;)**


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